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Time Squad

Season 1, Episode 8b: "Larry Upgrade"

Written by Michael Karnow, Dave Wasson, and Carlos Ramos

Directed by Dave Wasson

Air Date: August 25, 2001

INT. TIME SQUAD SATELLITE

TUDDRUSSEL reclines on a sofa, reading an upside down magazine. OTTO kneels on the floor, working on a puzzle.

OTTO

A couple more pieces and I'm done with my Congress Passing the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938 jigsaw puzzle!

OTTO holds up a box reading "Jigsaw Puzzle" and "1,000,000 pieces".

TUDDRUSSEL

Well, hurry up so we can play some video games.

The door next to OTTO slides open and LARRY enters, dressed in an apron and holding a serving platter.

LARRY

Minced crabmeat risotto with vanilla-clam brûlée.

He sets the platter down on a table next to TUDDRUSSEL and lifts the lid.

LARRY

Lunch is served.

TUDDRUSSEL

Oh, man, I asked for a burger.

LARRY's smile turns into a sneer. He slams the lid back onto the platter.

LARRY

Well, I was trying to do something special.

TUDDRUSSEL

Dangit, Larry, all I wanted was a burger!

TUDDRUSSEL stands up.

LARRY

Don't use that tone of voice with me, Tuddrussel!

TUDDRUSSEL

Listen, you sad excuse for a dustbuster, I am-

LARRY interrupts him, tutting. He turns to Otto.

LARRY

Otto, Officer Tuddrussel and I are about to have an adult conversation.

He turns to face TUDDRUSSEL again and waves OTTO off.

LARRY

Why don't you go outside and play.

OTTO gasps excitedly.

OTTO

In outer space?

TUDDRUSSEL

Yeah. Go on, Otto.

OTTO

Whoopee!

OTTO skips outside the room and the door slides shut.

TUDDRUSSEL stares down LARRY, his arms crossed. LARRY looks at him with his hands on his hips.

LARRY

Do you ever stop to think how much I do around here?

TUDDRUSSEL

Oh, man, I can NOT have this same conversation with you.

LARRY

Oh, that's just great! Even a simple discussion is too much effort for you.

Outside of the window, OTTO floats around happily in a spacesuit.

LARRY

Well, I'm beginning to feel very unappreciated.

TUDDRUSSEL

Oh, for the love of— Larry! You are a robot! Start acting like one!

LARRY exclaims in frustration.

LARRY

Is that all I am to you? A- a robot? I have feelings, desires, dreams.

TUDDRUSSEL

You have got one job, and that is to do what you are told, to follow orders, minus the sass-lip!

LARRY growls and throws up his hands. 

LARRY

You're impossible!

A beeping noise interrupts him. LARRY taps his left arm and the screen lifts up. He looks at it for a moment, and closes it.

LARRY

We'll discuss this later. 

LARRY removes his apron.

LARRY

I'm late for an appointment for an upgrade. 

TUDDRUSSEL reclines back into his chair.

TUDDRUSSEL

Yeah, well, before you do that, fetch my slippers.

He points to a pair of blue slippers on the ground. The apron goes flying into his face.

TUDDRUSSEL

Hey!

LARRY stomps to the door.

LARRY

Get them yourself!

He exits the room. TUDDRUSSEL takes the apron off of his face, throws it aside, and crosses his arms. 

INT. TIME SQUAD CONTROL ROOM

A large book titled The Larry 3000 Owner's Manual: Your Robot and You sits on the control center. LARRY picks it up. He pushes on the side of his head, which opens up an inside compartment. LARRY plugs a cable connected to the mainframe into his head.

LARRY

Well, that's it. I've had it.

LARRY thumbs through a few pages of the book and turns on the computer.

LARRY

I'm definitely putting in for a transfer.

LARRY begins to read through the book, absentmindedly tapping on the computer and scrolling down a list of upgrades and downgrades.

LARRY

I cook, I clean-- not complaining, might I add, and do I ever hear so much as a "thank you, Larry"? even though we're a couple of unsophisticated simians and don't really deserve your skills and charm, and we don't simply recognize and appreciate your incredible efforts?

LARRY sighs.

LARRY

Oh, who would have thought after all my years as a diplomatic aid, I'd end up trapped on this floating garbage can with that man?

The computer has "Downgrade 3.5" selected. Without looking, LARRY enters it into the computer. The computer begins to beep and the highlighted "Downgrade 3.5" flashes red.

LARRY

No, not a man. He's a manchild.

LARRY

Wait. Something's wrong. 

He turns and looks at the screen, and gasps. His voice begins to slow down.

LARRY

Oh no...

INT. TIME SQUAD SATELLITE

TUDDRUSSEL is still on the recliner, arms crossed and staring at the slippers. OTTO walks in, rolling a large stone over to TUDDRUSSEL.

OTTO

Hey, Tuddrussel, look what I found! A moon rock!

TUDDRUSSEL

Yeah, great. 

The door opens and LARRY stands inside. His eyes glow green and he holds his arms in a robotic forward position. His head compartment sparks and smokes, then closes. LARRY slowly walks over to TUDDRUSSEL.

TUDDRUSSEL

Oh, boy. Look who's back. The ol' ball and chain.

LARRY speaks robotically.

LARRY

Greetings, Master Tuddrussel. I am the Lawrence 3000. How may I serve you?

TUDDRUSSEL

What are you, a wise guy? 

LARRY

"Wise. Guy." Does not compute. How may I serve you?

TUDDRUSSEL

Okay, I'll play along. You can start by fetchin' me those slippers. 

LARRY

Yes, Master Tuddrussel.

LARRY kneels down and puts the slippers on TUDDRUSSEL.

TUDDRUSSEL

Hey, looks like our little talk paid off!

OTTO

Something's wrong. Larry's acting weird.

TUDDRUSSEL chuckles.

TUDDRUSSEL

Yup. Sometimes a man's just got to put his robot in its place. 

LARRY

Mission complete. How may I serve you?

TUDDRUSSEL

Oooh, I know, you can serve me by gettin' me a burger. No bru-lees, no salads, no casseroles, just a burger. Burger, burger, burger.

LARRY

Affirmative. Burger.

OTTO

Something's definitely wrong. Larry, let me see your arm.

LARRY

Affirmative.

LARRY gives OTTO his arm. The screen pops up, and OTTO sees the flashing red text that reads "DOWNGRADE".

OTTO

Oh my gosh! He's been downgraded!

TUDDRUSSEL

Downgraded?

OTTO

This is a nightmare! 

TUDDRUSSEL

Are you kiddin' me, man? It's a dream come true!

OTTO

We gotta fix him!

TUDDRUSSEL

No way! This is what I've always wanted! This is gonna be great!

He reclines again with his hands behind his head.

INT. DINING ROOM

TUDDRUSSEL and OTTO sit at a table. TUDDRUSSEL wears a bandana bib and excitedly holds a fork and knife. OTTO watches LARRY cautiously as he walks over and sets a dining platter on the table. LARRY lifts up the lid, revealing several burgers.

LARRY

Burger.

TUDDRUSSEL smiles.

INT. TIME SQUAD SATELLITE

LARRY massages TUDDRUSSEL's back as he lies on a table and eats a burger.

INT. BATHROOM

TUDDRUSSEL showers and sings to himself while showering. LARRY approaches, holding a burger on a plate.

LARRY

Burger.

TUDDRUSSEL, wearing a shower cap, peeks out of the curtain. He takes the burger and eats it in the shower, then sticks his hand out and gives a thumbs-up to LARRY.

INT. SHOOTING RANGE

TUDDRUSSEL wears cowhide chaps and practices holstering and unholstering his phaser quickly.

LARRY (OFFSCREEN)

Burger.

LARRY walks over to TUDDRUSSEL and offers him a burger on a plate. TUDDRUSSEL suspiciously picks it up, and LARRY walks away. He shrugs and starts to eat the burger, continuing to pose with his phaser.

INT. TIME SQUAD SATELLITE

LARRY holds three magazines titled Ray Gun, Just Pictures, and Muscle Times. TUDDRUSSEL sits in the recliner and deliberates on which magazine to choose. He reaches forward to grab one, but LARRY snatches them out of the way and puts a burger into TUDDRUSSEL's hand instead and walks away.

LARRY

Burger.

TUDDRUSSEL looks at the burger for a moment before starting to eat it.

INT. GYM

TUDDRUSSEL stands and lifts a dumbbell while eating a burger. He chews and swallows a bite, then looks at the burger.

TUDDRUSSEL

Bleh!

He sticks his tongue out and tosses the burger aside into a trashcan overflowing with half-eaten burgers. He sets his dumbbell onto its rack while LARRY approaches with another burger. 

LARRY

Burger.

TUDDRUSSEL

Ugh, 'nother one of those and I'm gonna puke. 

LARRY

Burger.

TUDDRUSSEL

Don't you got anything else?

LARRY

Negative. Burger.

LARRY extends the burger to TUDDRUSSEL'S face.

TUDDRUSSEL

Get that thing away from me!

TUDDRUSSEL slaps the plate out of LARRY's hands. 

LARRY

Burger. Burger. Burger. Burger. Burger. Burger. Burger.

TUDDRUSSEL exclaims in frustration.

TUDDRUSSEL

I can't take any more of this. OTTO!

INT. TIME SQUAD CONTROL ROOM

OTTO walks into the room while reading LARRY's owner's manual.

OTTO

Hey, Tuddrussel. I've been reading Larry's owner's manual and--

OTTO shouts in surprise.

OTTO

What are you doing!?

TUDDRUSSEL in on the floor, trying to pry LARRY's head open with a screwdriver. The rest of LARRY's parts are disassembled and scattered on the floor.

TUDDRUSSEL

Oh, Otto. We've gotta get him back, man, I can't take any more of this robotty robot!

OTTO walks over and takes LARRY's head from TUDDRUSSEL.

OTTO

Well, like I was saying, I was reading the manual. All we gotta do is plug him in and upgrade him.

OTTO takes LARRY's head over to the control panel. He opens the compartment and plugs it into the computer. OTTO scrolls down the list of upgrades and downgrades and enters in Upgrade 8.6.

TUDDRUSSEL

Come on, Larry. Come on, man. We need you, buddy.

LARRY's eyes change from green to blue again, and a "DING" is heard.

LARRY

Oh... TUDDRUSSEL! You nitwit!

TUDDRUSSEL

It's him! It's the ol' Larry!

LARRY

Of course it is, you buffoon!

OTTO grabs LARRY's head and hugs him close.

OTTO

Welcome back, Larry!

TUDDRUSSEL grabs one of LARRY's legs and holds it to his face.

TUDDRUSSEL

Yeah, welcome back, buddy!

TUDDRUSSEL throws the leg aside and chuckles.

TUDDRUSSEL

Man, you've got to make us some food. We are DYING here.

LARRY

Ooh! I do have a recipe for seared foie gras on a bit of leeks I am itching to try. 

TUDDRUSSEL

Woo-hoo! Bring on the grub! Hey, come on, Otto! Let's go play some video games while we wait.

TUDDRUSSEL walks away and OTTO runs after him.

OTTO

Whoopee!

LARRY's head is still on the floor and his parts are still scattered across the room.

LARRY

Um, hey, guys! A little help here!

LARRY sighs.

LARRY

Cretins.

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