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Time Squad

Season 2, Episode 2a: "Pasteur's Packs O'Punch"

Written by Dave Wasson and Carlos Ramos

Directed by Dave Wasson and Ladey Leichliter

Air Date: April 12, 2002
INT. TIME SQUAD SATELLITE KITCHEN LARRY begins to place poultry in the oven, singing to himself.

LARRY

Oh, blim blim blim blim, doo dodoododadoo.

LARRY gasps.

LARRY

Oh, someone's in the kitchen with Larry, someone's in the kitchen, I know. Someone's in the kitchen with Larry, truming on the old banjo. Fee-fi-fo.

LARRY exits and enters the living room to turn the radio on and proceed vacuuming and marching back into the kitchen.

OTTO is playing video games in another room.

TUDDRUSSEL brushes his teeth in the bathroom. The lights shut off, suddenly.

TUDDRUSSEL

What the-!

OTTO is still playing games when the lights go down.

OTTO

Hey!

LARRY is happily vacuuming when the lights shut off.

LARRY

Uh-oh

In SPACE, the SATELLITE lights completely shut off.

OTTO and TUDDRUSSEL simultaneously

Larry!

LARRY is in a dark rook by himself, only his eyes glow blue in the dark.

LARRY

Oh, poo! Another blown fuse. Oh, don't worry! I'll fix it!

LARRY turns his eyes into flashlights and exits right, down stairs. He steps into water in the cellar.

LARRY

Eugh, there's water all over the floor! I don't know why just don't get a new satellite. Now where is that fuse box? Oh, theee it is!

LARRY finds the fuse box to his left. He opens the front panel, exposing eight small light bulbs.

LARRY

Ah, here we are.

As LARRY removes the faulty bulb, he is electrocuted.

OTTO smiles when his video game returns to the screen and the lughts turn back on.

TUDDRUSSEL is surprised and still brushes his teeth when the lights turn back on. The brush starts to speed up, surprisinfg hm.

LARRY is shown, fried, still at the bottom of the cellar. His eyes turn red as he begins to grunt.

The scene cuts into the KITCHEN, as seen through LARRY's eyes. The poultry scene in the INTRO is now burnt. LARRY scans OTTO, who is still playing games on the couch. LARRY grunts while his eyes flash "OTTO OSWORTH: DESTROY". Now in third person, LARRY approaches OTTO. The siren starts, distracting both. LARRY begins to return to his normal, blue-eyed self.

LARRY

Huh?

OTTO

Oh, man.

LARRY

Huh?

OTTO

Oh, hey Larry!

LARRY

Oh! Mmm, hello.

LARRY and OTTO exit right.

TUDDRUSSEL, LARRY, and OTTO are now in the MONITOR ROOM.

TUDDRUSSEL

So, how you doin'?

OTTO

Oh, can't complain!

Close up on LARRY, whose eyes begun to turn pink while he lazily continues tapping at a keyboard.

LARRY, whilst hiccuping

He-hey! I love you guys!

TUDDRUSSEL

Oohkayy

LARRY

Let's go kick some butt! I'm driving! Hahahaha wooohoo woo!

LARRY flutters off into the TRANSPORTER.

LARRY

Hahaha, woo! Vroom vroom vroom vroom vrrom vroom errrrrrr!

OTTO

We don't even know what our mission is!

LARRY

Hey! Don't tell me what t'd'do!

LARRY begins operating the TRANSPORTER, but misses the buttons twice. The crew transport briefly and return.

LARRY slurs

Mission aconplished!

OTTO

But we didn't go anywhere! We just switched places.

LARRY, waging his finger

Hey, who's the captain here anyway? Me! That's who!

LARRY falls off the TRANSPORTER podium.

OTTO

What's gotten into you?

LARRY, now normal

What do you mean? What's gotten into you? Let's just get back to work.

LARRY begins operating the TRANSPORTER again. ORTO, TUDDRUSSEL, and LARRY enter 19th century France.

OTTO

We don't even know where, or when, we are!

LARRY begins fidgeting as his eyes turn yellow. He grabs OTTO.

LARRY, in a mafia mobster accent.

Hey! Don't sass me, you little punk!

OTTO

Tuddrussel, help!

TUDDRUSSEL

Hey, let go of him, Larry!

LARRY

What did you say?

LARRY headbutts TUDDRUSSEL, who collapses on impact. LARRY grunts while approaching the fallen TUDDRUSSEL. OTTO begins to try strangling LARRY. LARRY shakes OTTO off, returning to his normal self.

LARRY

Ooh, what happened?

OTTO, distressed, on the ground

What is the matter with you?

LARRY

Huh? I'm fine.

LARRY checks his arm for coordinates.

LARRY

Look! We're in the year 1888, France. And we're here to help...him!

LARRY points at PASTEUR, who is off to the right.

PASTEUR

Bonjour!

OTTO gasps

OTTO

That's Louie Pasteur!

PASTEUR

Oui!

OTTO

He's one of the most famous chemists to ever live!

PASTEUR

That is right.

OTTO

He created a vaccine to cure rabies!

PASTEUR

Ah, but of course.

OTTO

And his studies in microbiology led to the process of pasteurizing milk, keepin it fresh longer!

PASTEUR

Right!...I mean no, I did not do that! Anyway, I'm done with that kind of chemistry. Now I'm working on something really important. Come! Let me show you.

Cut to PASTEUR'S LAB. PASTEUR grabs a cup of liquid with prongs from behind a safe in a wall. He places red powder into it and stirs it with a small spoon.

PASTEUR

Ah, good. It is ready.

PASTEUR hands a cup of red liquid to TUDDRUSSEL and an orange one to OTTO. TUDDRUSSEL and OTTO shrug before drinking from the cups.

TUDDRUSSEL

Cherry flavor?

OTTO

Orange? You invented powdered drink mix?

PASTEUR, maniacly with lightning in the background

Yehahahahahas! And the best part is there isn't a drop of real fruit juice in them. Am I a genius or what?

OTTO

But what about pasteurizing milk?

PASTEUR

Pff, boooring! The only thing more boring was curing rabies, uh! But these sweet babies are going to give me the respect I always deserved.

LARRY, eyes now pink in drunken stupor, jumps on PASTEUR from behind.

LARRY, slurring

I respect you, buddy. Hehehehe.

LARRY kisses PASTEUR on his cheek.

PASTEUR

Ehh, um. You see? It is working already.

OTTO pries LARRY off PASTEUR by grabbing his leg.

OTTO

Larry! Get down!

LARRY, while falling off after being pried

Whoop! Oooo. Whoopsieee.

OTTO

Mr. Pasteur, if you do this, you'll be the laughing stock of the scientific community!

PASTEUR

Ohh, yeah?

Transition into public event, under the ARC DE TRIOMPH. PASTEUR and OTTO, TUDDRUSSEL, and LARRY are present.

ANNOUNCER

For excellence in scientific achievement, it is my great priviledge to give you, Louie Pasteur, the National Genius Award for your totally awesome powdered drink mix!

PASTEUR steps on a podium, accepts the NATIONAL GENIUS AWARD TROPHY. CROWD applauds, drinking cups of powdered drink mix.

PASTEUR gives OTTO the raspberry. OTTO grunts.

OTTO

Wait, where's Larry?

LARRY, pink-eyed, pushes ANNOUNCER off the podium, taking his spot. Why, the the funny language, and the talking with a 'wee wee poo poo muahahaha! Oh, mon cherie! French fries.' Whoaaa! Hey, lady!"

CROWD laughs hysterically and applauds.

TUDDRUSSEL

Heheyy, that's a pretty good Dean Martin!

OTTO, pulling LARRY away

C'mon, Larry!

LARRY

Oh, please, kind sir, with the grabbing of the arm...Ooohh, the hurting!

CROWD ceases laughing to gasp in disappointment.

MAN

Aww, this no good.

Cut to PARTY ROOM for PASTEUR. PASTEUR stands with OTTO, TUDDRUSSEL, and LARRY, under a banner saying "CONGRATULATIONS LOUIE!" TUDDRUSSEL downs a drink of red powdered mix. LADY approaches PASTEUR.

LADY

Mr. Pasteur! Oh, Mr. Pasteur, what a thrill to finally meet you.

LADY wraps her arms around PASTEUR.

LADY

Whaa huge turn-out in celebration of your genius. All the top lines are here, including Nikola Tesla, the inventor of the electric motor. And there's Marie Curie, the famous radiation chemist!

TESLA stands idly while his SMALL MOTOR runs on a table. CURIE receives a kiss on the back of her hand by a MAN, whos hair falls off due to her radiation levels.

LADY

You've always been my favorite scientist.

PASTEUR

Yes, well I am pretty great. Now, if you'll excuse me.

LADY stops clinging to PASTEUR. PASTEUR turns to OTTO.

PASTEUR

So, you little pipsqueek, I told you my creation would make me famous! Here! Try my new Lushalicious Lemon!

PASTEUR hands OTTO a yellow powdered mix cup.

PASTEUR

Sourpuss, hahahahahaha!

Otto, grunting

Man that guy is such a jerk!

TUDDRUSSEL burps off-screen, irritating OTTO.

TUDDRUSSEL

Yeah, but you gotta admit, Sensational Strawberry is pretty darn good.

OTTO

If there was only some way to get people's minds off powdered drinks and on to something else!

Otto gasps.

OTTO

Wait. That's it!

TUDDRUSSEL

What's what?

OTTO begins looking around.

OTTO

There's Marie Curie! I'll be right back.

TUDDRUSSEL

I don't know what that kid's got against fruity drinks, eh Lar? Lar?

Cut to LARRY dancing on a PARTY TABLE, with yellow eyes, a sausage link around his shoulder, a cape, and a hat of fruit.

LARRY, to the tune of the French national anthem

Wooo, woo! Look at me, everyone! I'm the queen of France! Lalala lalala la laaaaa lala la la la laaa!

CROWD is in distress. TUDDRUSSEL gasps.

TUDDRUSSEL, whispering to LARRY

Larry, get down from here. You're embarassing me. Ahahaha...

LARRY

Aaahh, unhand me, scoundrel!

TUDDRUSSEL, while being beat by LARRY with a spoon

Okay, you asked for this!

TUDDRUSSEL punches LARRY off the PARTY TABLE.

LARRY's head spins around, showing his now red eyes. LARRY pounces on TUDDRUSSEL, who screams.

Cut to OTTO and CURIE. LARRY and TUDDRUSSEL fight in the background.

OTTO

So what do you think?

CURIE

Oh, I think it's a splendid idea! I will get to work on it right away!

OTTO, while shifting his hands

Great! Ehehehe.

Cut to the ARC DE TRIOMPH.

ANNOUNCER

For excellence in scientifici achievement, it is my great priviledge to give you, Marie Curie, the National Genius Award for your invention of fruit-flavored popsicles.

ANNOUNCER tries to pry off the NATIONAL GENIUS AWARD TROPHY from PASTEUR.

PASTEUR

Fruit-flavored popsicles are just my invention, frozen on a stick! Gah!

ANNOUNCER takes the TROPHY away.

ANNOUNCER

Jelous.

CURIE receives the TROPHY from ANNOUNCER, while carrying a purple POPSICLE in her other hand. CURIE gasps.

CURIE

This is too much, really! What an honor, oh. I really must thank my new friend for giving me the idea for this fruit sensarion! Thanks, Otto.

OTTO

Aww.

OTTO munches on an orange POPSICLE. TUDDRUSSEL licks hus blue POPSICLE. CROWD cheers.

PASTEUR

Well, I guess I'll go invent that supid pasteurized milk now!

OTTO

That's the spirit!

TUDDRUSSEL

Welp, looks like we're all done here.

OTTO

Mission accomplished. Larry, let's get outta here! Larry?

TUDDRUSSEL and OTTO look uo to find LARRY on top of a roof, haning from a FLAG POLE and making chimp noises. STORM CLOUDS appear behind LARRY.

TUDDRUSSEL

This don't look good.

LARRY is struck by lightning and falls off the roof, screaming. CROWD expresses pity for his fall.

OTTO, approaching LARRY with TUDDRUSSEL

Holy mackerel! Are you okay?

LARRY

Well, of course I'm okay! Why wouldn't I be?

OTTO and TUDDRUSSEL are irked.

LARRY

Honestly, you guys have been acting weird all day!

LARRY plays with his arm before LARRY, TUDDRUSSEL, and OTTO are zapped out.

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